My Long Awaited Return

Hello, readers. It is I, Emily, returned from Australia where I did perfectly normal things, like visit the zoo, lay on the beach, and eat human food like Tim Tams and Vegemite. It was a very exciting vacation and we…I mean I am here to tell you all about it, like a normal human does.

I am most definitely not a spider in disguise. No, that’s absurd. It would take more than 200 hundred spiders to impersonate Emily…I mean me. Haha, that’s very silly. Very, very silly.

byronspiderAnyway, the trip started with a trip to Byron Bay. Byron Bay is an adorable little town filled with humans and too many birds and lizards for my liking. We went shopping, had delicious human food, and visited the most Eastern point of the continent. That is where we first spotted Emily….I mean, that is where I saw my first Australian wildlife, including a wallaby, a boa constrictor, dolphins, and sea turtles. There were also a few spiders.

kangaroospiderThe next day we went to the Currumbin Animal Sanctuary. There we fed the nasty lorikeets and saw plenty of lizards, as well as koalas and kangaroos. We also saw lots of mosquitos and flies. We-I was very hungry by the end of the day.

We also went to Brisbane during our…my vacation and went to visit, Tamborine Mountian, the Australia Zoo, and Underwater World. There were lots of interesting, human things to do. Too many to recall off the top of my head. I was so very excited and my tiny human brain just can’t comprehend the excitement.

Humans are notorious for their tiny brains. That is why they’re so easily destroyed by mosquitoes, flies, and other insects. We humans are also prone to killing spiders, which is not acceptable. At least, Emily…I mean I find it unacceptable.

nimbinspiderContinuing with my story, after returning from Brisbane, we…and when I say we, I mean me and the human named Michael….we visited Nimbin, which I believe is the marijuana capital of Australia. The humans in this city were dull and complacent, and perfect. Perfect…meaning they’re easy to work with. Yes.

To end our trip, I and the Michael human climbed Mount Warning. Mount Warning is a beautiful mountain full of lots of bugs and birds and spiders. Lots and lots of spiders, which Emily…I mean I enjoyed. I enjoy spiders. I accept spiders. I love spiders.

It was a very pleasant trip and I would go again to Australia. It was a wonderful country, full of lots and lots of beautiful arachnids. Unfortunately, the rest of the world does not appreciate spiders like the Australians do. It has taken lots of diplomatic trips to bring the humans even this far toward spider acceptance, and humans have a long way to go.

Humans will accept spiders one day. One day they will understand the awesome power of spiders.

I mean, yes, you would enjoy Australia. You should go there.