My Day Off!

Today is Thursday and tomorrow I’m coming up to visit!  It was slow at work so I opted to take Thursday off to get all of the errands done.  As well as all the cleaning.  So I figured I’d take a day to do all of it and relax.

Relax?  Hah!  I was mistaken.

Woke up just before my alarm went off at nine in the morning.  My other alarm was going off: the house cat.  She put her nose directly into my ear and started sniffing.  Then she pulled back, sneezed, and yowled at me.  All in my ear.

Get up and go into the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day.  Victoria chases me in there because if I’m home when mom isn’t it must mean that I am a toy to be bitten.  She’s also nice enough to wait in the bathroom while I’m showering because she needs to make sure I make it out safely.

I get dressed in shorts while staring at the rain; all of my pants are in the hamper.  I need to do laundry today before we’re gone all weekend.

I head out and get into the car.  I need to get this car in tip top shape.  First stop: Fred Meyer.  I head in and head to automotive.  I want some new windshield wipers and I need to put a fix-a-flat in my trunk.  I go to the wiper aisle, and for those of you who don’t buy windshield wipers there is usually a fucking bible of every car known to man and which wipers they need.

Now its been replaced with a touch screen thing smaller than my phone.  I hit the button to start it and a weird, animated woman starts talking to me.  I navigate the screen all the way to my car, my year, my model and finally which blades it needs.  I look and it says I need a 24″ 60-240.  So I look over at the fucking wall of wiper blades and can’t find it.  I double check on the screen thing and its turned off.  So I tap it and it starts from the beginning.

Had to do this at least 900 billion times.  I did it so often I figured out how to mute the woman on the screen.  In the end I learned that Fred Meyer doesn’t have my cars specific size in stock.  Fuck.  I go look for the fix-a-flat and fail to find that also.  No problem I’ll be going to get an oil change and they’ll sell the shit I need.  I go to look for low fat cheezits, sour cream and cheddar baked lays, and the teddy grahams I want.

None of them.  In fact, the place where my beloved sour cream and cheddar chips are usually located has been replaced with several dozen bags of roast garlic and ranch flavored baked lays.

Fucking blasphemy.  If they stop selling those chips I love I swear to god I’ll file a formal complaint.  I am their best customer after all.

So Fred Meyer is a bust.  Shit.  I head to the Classic Lube to get my oil changed.  They do, in fact, sell wiper blades.  At almost double the cost of the ones at Fred Meyer.  Those sunsabitches.  I ask them to fix a bunch of small shit on the car just so I can drive it for six straight hours and not worry too much.  One of my minor brake lights was out, the intake filter was almost black with dust and gross, and they will vacuum my car out for free.

Saves me having to find a place to do it in the rain.

Also- when I ask, “Where do you think I can find a fix-a-flat?”

“Fred Meyer.”


Well shit.  So it occurs to me that I’ve seen an Oreilly’s Auto Parts… somewhere.  I google that shit and there is one nearby but by no means close by.  So I drive way out to find it.  First thing I find when I walk in: they are having a sale on wiper blades.

You mother-

So I can’t find fix-a-flat but the dude behind the counter is like, “They are right there in the one spot in the store you didn’t check when you walked around forever looking for it.”

So now I need to rotate my tires.  Even out that wear on them.  So I got Les Shwab tires so I need to find a location because they’ll give me discounts and cool stuff.

Google tells me there is a Les Shwab in the parking lot of:

Fred Meyer.

How the fuck- I knew it was there.  I looked at it.  How did I forget?

Well shit.  Make my way back to where my adventure began and the dude at Les Shwab says it’ll take about 45 minutes and its free.  Fuck yeah!  Les Shwab for life.  So I walk down the block and hit up a teriyaki place.  As soon as I order and sit down Les Shwab calls and says the cars done.  Its been approximately 7 minutes.  Legendary service.

So I head back to the apartment, but the groceries and stuff inside and head to the dumpster to clean out my trunk.  There is like years of shit hidden in there.  I was worried that I was accidentally ruining an archeological dig.  I found a jewel case for a Celine Dion CD.  When the fuck did anyone in this family listen to Celine Dion?

With the car all spruced up I head into the apartment to clean.  Everything.  Its 1 P.M.

I do laundry all day.  I wash the bedsheets and the couch blankets.  I pick up all the garbage, the recycling, the clutter.  I put the folding table away that serves as my GM workstation.  I sweep everything, clean out the cats dis-ass-ster box, sweep again because I’m good an thinking ahead, and then mop.  Vacuum the cat tree, the couch, and all the floors.  Unload the dishwasher and reload it, and wipe every surface down.  All the while Victoria is following me around and yelling at me.

Well now I’m laying on the couch working on my tiny tablet thing.  Didn’t know what to write about but I swear to god today has taken like 40 years to be over.  Its not quite over yet but its almost done.

Tomorrow- I will be heading into Pullman.


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